Faithfulness

well hey there blog friends. it's been a long time since anything of much worth has been posted around these parts. there have been things on my heart this past year and a half that haven't been right to share, but i'm feeling that now is the time to start opening up. it's long, but hopefully worth it. i'm hoping to be back more regularly now, though this shouldn't be the only topic I cover. i'm grateful for this space and for you!



Have you had a season where God continues to put a message on your heart? I'm sure if I went back and read past journals and even this blog I would be able to seem the themes that He has given to me to carry me through different seasons.  And even though I'm not out of this season yet, I want to document it before I move on. 

hope. 

faithfulness.

miraculous. 

breaking down walls. 

These are the phrases that keep coming up on our Wednesday and Sunday morning lessons. For the teaching I do with the children, we take a theme to study for the whole month and break it down into different lessons each week. Spring break and bad weather caused our March month to be off, so we were finally ready to start our April lessons, on the last Wednesday night of the month! Our new element for this month is "FAITHFULNESS." [standing firm with God by keeping our promises to Him and others.] 

I hadn't done much prep work before and in some real honesty, I wasn't feeling very faithful Tuesday night. In fact, I wrote something in my prayer journal along the lines of "Why have you abandoned me? Why haven't you answered my prayers yet? Am I not faithful enough? Do I not trust you enough? Do I not love you enough? I feel forgotten God." Not pretty, I know. 

I went to work on Wednesday feeling beaten down.  Unfortunately, that's not reason enough to cancel our services so I set out to get everything ready for that night. I piddled away, planning out games, music, snacks and crafts and all that was left was to finalize the lesson. The Big Idea of of Faithfulness we were looking at was "We can trust God to keep His promises." and our Scripture for the night focused on the Israelites being brought out of Egypt and the land of slavery, yet ending up being backed up against the Red Sea as the Egyptian army chased after them. Typically, our lessons use a scripture to support one idea. For instance, last month we talked about integrity. One week's focus was "integrity is not always an easy choice" and we looked at the story of Shadrach, Mescach and Abednego. This week's lesson was a different style and used portions of scripture to prove a small point about faithfulness. Here's what they are:


 When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.”  So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea.The Israelites went up out of Egypt ready for battle... By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.  Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people.

[exodus 13: 17-18; 21-22] 

Faithfulness Fact #1 -
God knows where to lead us, and He will lead us to safety and His blessing.

God knew His people weren’t very strong and might decide to return to Egypt if they had to fight another country right away. If we trust God to lead us, we have to trust the direction He takes us. Do you think the Israelites wondered why they were going the "long way?" They grumbled and complained a lot on their journey to the Promise Land, so it's not hard to imagine them doing so from the start. If we say we trust God to keep His promises to us, we can't bail out on His plan as soon as it gets uncomfortable. 

To help the people understand His faithfulness and to see it every day and night, God even had them follow a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. There was never a moment when the Israelites were alone. God made Himself plain to see every step of the way. He is visible to us every day too, if we only slow down long enough to see Him. 



Faithfulness Fact #2 -
God is never surprised by anything that happens to us; He already has prepared a way to help us out. We just have to keep our trust in Him. 

When the king of Egypt was told that the people had fled, Pharaoh and his officials changed their minds about them and said, “What have we done? We have let the Israelites go and have lost their services!” So he had his chariot made ready and took his army with him. He took six hundred of the best chariots, along with all the other chariots of Egypt, with officers over all of them. 
[exodus 14:5-7]

Before long, the Egyptians caught up with the Israelites as they camped by the sea. The 
faith of the Israelites fell to pieces and they became so scared they cried out against
Moses and God. In Exodus 14:11 they asked Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us out here to the desert to die?” They were so upset with Moses and God they even said in Exodus 14:12, “We told you to leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians. It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!”

Even in the middle of all the terror and complaining, one man stood firm and continued to trust in God: Moses! He was God’s chosen leader for the Israelites, the one who had gone before Pharaoh at the time of each plague. Moses had seen the power of God and it had changed him forever. He knew our Big Idea of the Day was the truth. He knew they could trust God to keep His promises.

 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
[exodus 14:13-14]

Faithfulness Fact #3- 
God will keep his Promises to us in miraculous ways. 

When they made the great choice to trust God, a miracle occurred! At the moment things looked so awful, so hopeless, but then God told Moses to stretch out his staff over the sea. When Moses obeyed, God caused a mighty east wind to turn back the water and make the land beneath dry, so the Israelites could pass over the sea. All night long, the waters were turned back and the Israelites began to cross to the other side. The Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.

we need to remember we find God’s power when we stand still and trust Him.

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I don't know what my children got out of the lesson, but I fully believe it was a lesson just for me. we need to remember we find God’s power when we stand still and trust Him.  Standing still and trusting Him is where I begin to struggle. Instead, I'd rather try to control everything in my power and spend my days obsessing if things are going to go in my favor this month. 

Almost a year and a half ago Cody and I decided we were ready for our family to grow again. Even typing that I want to laugh, because we can decide all we want, but that doesn't mean it's actually going to happen. Instead, it feels like we are walking the "long way." And if I think having another baby is to be my "Promised Land," I would make a mighty fine Israelite because I am complaining and grumbling along the way. In fact, God would probably describe me as a whiney toddler right now with the amount of "Why's?" I have thrown His way.  It's a weird place we sit in - we do have a child already so obviously it was possible for us, but yet, it's taking so long to happen it's hard to ignore some of the questions that pop up in my head. 

Here's the question I have the hardest time with: why are you silent God? 

For as much as I've prayed and asked for wisdom and guidance about our family [is it not the right time? is there something wrong with me? are we supposed to see a specialist? are we supposed to be pursuing adoption and that's why we're not getting pregnant?] God is remaining silent.  

I'm thankful that He is at least the strong silent type. Even though He hasn't spoken the right direction to us yet, His presence has still been felt. I know without a doubt that my faith, though sometimes feeling small and weak, is stronger than it would have been right now had I quickly gotten pregnant like I originally planned. I know that God has us on the long way for a reason and He is not surprised by this timing. I do feel like the desire in my heart for more children is a promise that He will someday fulfill and when that day comes, it will be miraculous, maybe even as big as the parting of the Red Sea. 

Sunday during our small group with the youth group we talked about the Battle of Jericho. I imagine they must have felt rather silly trying to take down a mighty wall by WALKING, but they did what the Lord commanded them to do. 13 times they end up walking around the city followed by shouting for the Lord and the walls came tumbling down. Trying unsuccessfully for a baby feels like a wall we will never be able to break down. Would you join me in walking? We would love your prayers as we navigate how to step forward from here.  Please know that I'm also willing to talk in person about this, but if you ask Cody any questions, he might get a little awkward on you! 

Trust.

Sunday I took a fabulous three hour nap and enjoyed a late evening Diet Dr. Pepper... which  was all fine and dandy until it was 3 a.m. and I was WIDE. AWAKE. During the four hours I lay in bed I covered quite the variety of brainstorming, problem solving and other various topics, including worrying about and praying for Griffin's first day at daycare. My momma heart knew he would love it, but it's still so hard to trust them to others. So I prayed that Griffin would learn to be a good friend, to enjoy playing with others and to really flourish in daycare. I also prayed that I would grow in trust, remembering that God has orchestrated these details and would keep him safe.  I believe I even said something along the lines of, "I know as a parent I feel like I'm the only one fully capable of keeping him safe, but I trust you... please grow my trust through this process." 

Fast forward to Monday afternoon. Griffin didn't even bat an eye when we left him that morning. When I went to pick him up, he gave me a small wave of acknowledgment but then went straight back to playing. He played with every toy on his way out, which makes for a slow, long process, but was a relief for this momma to see him so happy.  We came home, back to our safe place, shared a snack and while G was playing on my phone, I grabbed a quick load of laundry to start. (our laundry room is enclosed, but you have to walk outside to get to it right off of the back porch) G saw me and wanted to come out to help with "aundy" so I leet him. He was of course, distracted on the way, stopping to say hi to Kota, picking up colors and drawing a few scribbles before running to join me in the laundry room.  He tripped on the way in though, and stepped right onto one of my projects: a lid full of furniture tacks. (basically bigger thumb tacks, if you're not sure what I'm talking out.) 

Bloodcurdling screams. Blood. Lots of tears. We were both freaking out, Griff from pain and mom wondering if we needed to head to the ER. I ended up calling a nurse hotline in Lubbock to try and get an idea if we needed to go for some type of tetanus shot or if he was ok because he was up to date on his shots. It took a while for her to understand what was going on because Griff wouldn't stop screaming, but we finally were able to talk. She told me to clean it with a good soap, which I immediately did in our sink.  Playing with the water in the sink was an instant perk for Griff and his tears dried up.  After telling me that keep him on pain meds but no need to go the the ER, she finished our conversation with this: "No need to worry... you're a good mother and stuff like this happens to everyone!" I told her she deserved a bonus just for those sweet words. 

Monsters University and Motrin seemed to do the trick to get him through the night, but he was definitely limping on his left foot this morning, which took the brunt of the tacks with 12 marks.  

#momguilt

It was totally my own stupidity for leaving the box on the ground. I could have prevented this from every happening and I hate that Griff is in pain. However, it's one of the easiest physical lessons for me to learn: I think that I am the best source of safety for Griffin. I can plan and over protect and do whatever is in my power to do what I think will keep him safe, but life still happens.  Despite my great attempts, he will still get hurt. Sometimes it will be a physical pain that can hopefully be healed with Motrin and eventually it will be emotional hurts that will be much harder to heal. God is answering my prayer though and growing my trust that He is the one capable of fully caring for Griffin. As long as I do my best to raise a man that seeks after him, then I've done my part to keep him as safe as possible, even if following the Lord's plan takes Griff on some wild adventures. 

Just in case you need to hear it too...

Hang in there mommas. You are doing a great job and stuff like this happens to everyone!

#Passion2014

What a weekend.

Cody and I left Friday morning with several students from our youth group to make the 8 hour drive down to Houston for Passion 2014. Our church normally takes kids to Atlanta , so we were thankful that it was a shorter trip this year! This was our first experience with Passion, so even though I knew what it was, you still can't know until you're there. 

17,000 18-25 year olds and their leaders in a sold out Toyota Center all with the purpose of worshiping together and learning more about Christ.  It was an incredible sight. (and also, slightly freaky. the first night our seats were as high up as you could be and I had a slight moment of panic about someone attacking the building. I had to believe that we had already been greatly prayed for against attacks, but it was still nerve wracking.) 

It's hard to put into words exactly what an experience like this means: worship lead by Chris Tomlin, Hillsong United, Christy Nockles, David Crowder, and Matt Redman... speaking by Louie Giglio, Francis Chan, Beth Moore and Judah Smith... while none of them act like it, these are big names in the Christian faith and it was a privilege to get to experience an event led by them. 

We came home from Passion and immediately started on house projects while G spent a few more days with grandparents, so I still need time to sit down and process a lot of what we heard, but here's the one thing that sticks out in my mind from the weekend:

During one of the worship sessions, the band transitioned into Whom Shall I Fear. We learned this song over the summer and it's a favorite that we do frequently on Wednesday nights.  Several things had already happened over the weekend that had me emotional already, but this one put me over the edge.  When I focused on the lyrics, the Lord opened my eyes to show me I'd made it through. 

I know who goes before me

 I know who stands behind 

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

You see, when I first learned this song over the summer, I was so lonely. I'd only been in our new home for a few months and even though everyone knew my name, no one really knew me. I was hurt from not being included in an event with a longtime friend and to top it off, the new friend I had in town who really knew everyone and was so good at helping me meet new people, told me they were going to be moving in just a few short weeks. It was rough and I dealt by crying a lot at night. (poor cody!) These lyrics really stuck with me because a friend is exactly what I was looking for.

Fast forward eight months later, on a trip with some kiddos that I've really grown to love, friends that texted me silly things and "we missed you at mops!" and I finally feel known. And my Friend was so gracious to show me how my tears of sadness have turned into tears of joy.  I have more to think about from the weekend, but that alone was worth the trip! 

Here's a small taste of our worship:

So that's how we spent our Valentine's weekend. Not exactly the most romantic, but as long as I'm with this guy, I wouldn't have it any other way!

Advent

Whew.

Was today a long day for y'all too? Ok, I have to admit my day flew by rather quickly, but knowing that we have something on our schedule almost every single night until we'll head home for the holidays just makes me tired thinking about it. I know it's all fun stuff that we choose to be a part of, but the busyness sure makes it hard to slow down and enjoy the season!

Our church did provide us with a really great resource to use every day. It's the Buckner Advent Devotional Guide and it has daily, short devotionals focused on the different Advent weeks. If you go to a Baptist church, you might be able to pick up a hard copy of it, but if not, take the time to download it online. You won't regret it!

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Kelly put up a fun blog post today about taking her girls to see Santa {the pictures are funny. go look!}  It's unfortunate, but almost expected with blog as big as her's that she had to put a disclaimer at the top as to how they feel about Santa and that the comment section would not be open to be a debate over people's beliefs. I don't normally read her comments, but I did today to see what people were saying.  The very first comment was this:

I have heard the great Bible teacher, Warren Wiersbe say, "Blessed are the balanced." That is the view that we have always taken in seeking to live our lives as Christians in this world. But the teeter-totter of life was always heavier on the Christian side of life. So a lot of Jesus with a little of Santa is a good way to approach this season with your children. The fantasies of childhood will give way to the harsh realities of adulthood soon enough. Loved your comments Kelly. But most of all I loved seeing my girls both on Santa's lap and in the photo booth. You are a wonderful mom! - Love, Dad.


First, I think it was super sweet that her dad left the comment. I could see my own dad through it and I hope that those of you reading have someone who supports you with uplifting words like these. Second, and what my real point is, is that he hit the nail with the quote, "Blessed are the balanced." That is exactly what our lives are to be like. We are balanced in the world, but we are not of the world.

Recently I prayed and asked God to help me to be generous to what I give to other's and stingy with what I spend on myself.  Sometimes I feel like the Lord is very quiet when it comes to answering my prayers.  Not so much when it comes to this one! He's placed several situations in my hands that I cannot ignore. I tried. I got my prayer mixed up and wanted to be generous to myself and stingy with them. But He keeps me balanced. And gently reminds me that I asked to change and with His help, I can. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:13




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What does your family do to celebrate Advent during this busy season?
Is, was or will Santa be a part of your holiday traditions?

Stuff.

Today was that day.

Lots of little things that I could explain to you through my tears and you'd probably give me a blank stare. Truly, it was a bunch of nothings that ended with an $800 MRI bill (on top of the $200 bill to pay someone to read the dumb MRI) and I just couldn't handle it anymore, so I grabbed Kota and headed for a walk around the block so Cody wouldn't see me lose it.

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We bought Kota a new leash a while back before a vacation. I'm ashamed to admit that he has survived three years of life with a rather pathetic looking leash that I believe might have come from the dollar spot at Target. Knowing it's seen better days, we upgraded to one of those retractable leashes to give him a little more freedom. {Plus it was purple and pretty!}

Now that he has experienced 16 feet of leash walking freedom, there is no going back. He struts his stuff and gives you the most pathetic "why are you treating me so undignified?" any time I try and cut him off on the length. It's hilarious.

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As I was praying {whining? complaining? lamenting? fill in your own blank} about all of the "stuff" I was bothered by today, I couldn't help but see myself in Dakota. God has more than given me 16 feet of freedom. It's just enough leash to think that I can make my own plan and take the lead... and I probably act a little undignified when I realize that's not what God's plan is.

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Growing.
Waiting.
Hoping.

It's not always the easiest. But it will be worth it.

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{end metaphor. only slightly exaggerating when I say our walk ended with us running for our lives from another dog. a *big* boxer was roaming free on the streets and took an interest in dakota. I wasn't sure if he was friendly and I was more afraid of how dakota would treat him. so I had to carry dakota for a good ways to get away from him. I thought we made the home stretch, put kota down and had him start jogging back to the house. the boxer took off running after us. I wanted to cry and wet my pants all at the same time, but I ran the fastest my short legs will ever run. the dog did catch up to us, rolled over dakota and then somehow disappeared. I'm going with - thanks God!}

Choosing To Sweat.

My head, my heart and my calendar are all telling me one thing: it's fall. Pumpkin spice latte, scarfs, warm sweaters, oh my I am so ready to drive head first into all of it. The is one tiny problem with my fall hopes and dreams:

the weather.

After one of the hottest summers in the history of Texas, we're transitioning into what should be the beginning of our fall weather, yet still experiencing high 80's and 90's, making it a little hard to fully bring out the fall fashion.

Despite checking the weather forecast and knowing it was still going to be rather warm, as I was packing for my next week on the road, I had one focus for my outfits: I wanted to wear my new knee high boots.

They're rather cute, wouldn't you agree?

So I sat out, examined my closet and found several great choices for this week. The problem was this small, nagging voice I couldn't get out of my head:

Are you really sure you want to wear the boots? You know its going to be hot. You have three fairs in one day. Remember how crowded those rooms get... are you really sure you want to wear them? You are guaranteeing that you will be sweating all day long.

So began the inner debate: is the happiness of wearing knee high boots worth being uncomfortable all day long? Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. And then all of a sudden it hit me:

How often do I do this with sin? When I can see the warning signs that I'm about to walk into a situation that's going to leave me uncomfortable and sweating, yet I still choose to walk into it?

It was like a light bulb went off. Sometimes we just need the Lord to give us a tangible lesson. I don't know what's going on in your life right now or what your struggles might be, but I hope this post causes you to stop and reconsider when you know you're walking into a sweating situation. Those boots may be cute for a moment, but they're probably not worth it!



{I feel like I have to give a disclaimer: I still packed the boots and have enjoyed wearing them this week- The Lord has also been very gracious to me and we had a slight cool front come through so I'm not sweating... or sinning! :)}

Living Proof Live

180,000 people

11 countries

48 states

731 host locations

31 canadian sights

3 military locations

1 correction facility 

a life changing experience

full recap to come.

No.

"I need to some alone time, so I can climb into bed and just cry. I don't want to hurt your feelings and I'll talk more when I'm ready, but for now, I just need to cry."


Thankfully, he understood where I was coming from and quietly left the room to give me my space. The tears came freely, starting slowly and fading into a sob, dripping onto the pillow.


"Why God? Why did you answer this way? It wasn't supposed to be a no."


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A few days and a few tears later, my resolve is stronger. I can handle the no. Something greater must be on the horizon. I start dreaming, planning out the next steps ahead, deciding what the new course will be.


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I love this shirt. Straight off the hanger though, it wasn't created for me. It would need a few nips and tucks to fashion a shirt that would be flattering.


And one morning, I hastily cut the shirt so that I could have something new to wear to work. 




Every time I wear it now, I am reminded of my hurried decision. I tug self-consciously, fighting to keep the shirt from riding up. Strings stick out, saluting the haphazard manor in which I tailored the shirt, reminding me that I should have taken my time.


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I reevaluate the plan. It will work. It gets me where I want to be. But one question lingers: Am I selling myself short? This could work, but is it Your plan?


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I sit down to read.





The answer is audible. It's my plan. I am haphazardly cutting the shirt again, trying to overcompensate for the no.


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Sigh. Why are no's so hard to take? 

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{journey is a daily devotional provided by my church. they're short but powerful. if you don't have this resource available to you and would like to try it for a month, send me an email at abbyneinast{at}gmail dot com and I will pick up a copy for you.} 

O Death, Where Is Your Victory?

His Name is Jesus by Max Lucado

HIS BIRTH
Jesus...
He could hold the universe in His palm
but gave it up to float
in the womb of a maiden.
Christ became one of us.
and He did so to redeem all of us.

HIS MISSION
Jesus...
The man...
who spoke with such thunderous authority
and loved with such childlike humility.
The life of Jesus Christ
is a message of hope,
a message of mercy,
a message of life in a dark world.

HIS DEATH
Jesus...
The palm that held the universe
took the nail of a soldier.
On the eve of the cross,
Jesus made His decision.
He would rather
go to hell for you
than go to heaven without you.

HIS RESURRECTION
Jesus...
the moment He removed the stone,
He removed all reason for doubt.
Christ's resurrection
is an exploding flare
announcing to all sincere seekers
that it is safe to believe.

-Max Lucado


May you have a very blessed Easter as we remember Christ's death and celebrate His resurrection!

It's Ok If You Mess Up.

{this was scheduled to post over the Easter weekend but I'm not sure why it didn't. hope you still enjoy it.}

Some of my favorite people to blog stalk are some rather famous {female} Christian speakers that hail from the great state of Texas. What can I say, we are proud of our state and even prouder of our own kind!

Beth Moore is probably one of the most prominent ladies from Texas (followed closely by her hair). We all consider ourselves on a first name basis with her and she's made a huge impact on ladies all over this nation. Vicki Courtney is quickly becoming another household name, though many may not be as familiar with her if they don't have a teenage daughter. She's written the book "5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter" and the same book for sons will be released in June.

She wrote this post on Tuesday and it is one of the most heart wrenching and beautiful posts I have ever seen.

Here is the post {taken from her blog. all credit to V.C.}


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Few would argue that the “Mom, I’m pregnant” announcement is at the top of a parent’s list of knock-the-breath-out-of-you announcements you hope not to hear from your unmarried child. As someone who has written on the topic of sexual purity, I have stated often that my kids are not exempt when it comes to worldly temptations. I was humbly reminded of this fact a few weeks ago when my oldest son delivered the news, “Mom, I think Casey may be pregnant.” (For those who may be new to my blog, I announced my son’s engagement back in late December in this post.) Faced with the sobering moment of truth that followed his disclosure, I did what most any mother would do — I wrapped my son in my arms and assured him that with God’s help, we’d get through it. Ryan and Casey are good kids who made a bad choice. Two months into their engagement, they let their guard down and as a result, they face a new challenge – shortly after marrying, they will become parents.

Ryan and Casey are deeply sorrowful for their sin and are facing the natural consequences that can result when choices are made outside of God’s will. Their wedding ceremony will be scaled down in size and the date will be moved up. They have had to make a long list of difficult phone calls to their attendants, relatives, and close friends. They have had to break the news to mentors, Sunday school teachers, and youth ministers who have at times in the past, pointed to them as leaders and role models. And they recently met with Casey’s long-time pastor and humbly asked if he would still be willing to perform their wedding ceremony. Keith and I are grateful for the grace Casey’s pastor extended to them along with a firm reminder to remain pure for the duration of their engagement. He also reminded Ryan of his position as the spiritual leader in the home and held him to a higher level of accountability over the sin, a position that both Keith and I fully endorse. In addition to the awkwardness and embarrassment of having to share the news with people they know and love, Ryan and Casey will begin their marriage on a very lean budget that has little room for error as they juggle student loans and drive cars with over 150k miles. But perhaps the biggest penalty for their actions will be the precious time they will forfeit as newlyweds as they are thrust suddenly into parenthood.

Ryan and Casey have exhibited a godly sorrow over their sin – the type of sorrow that is sincere and leads to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10). In the days immediately following the announcement, Casey and I were visiting over Skype and she shared that shortly after they discovered they were pregnant, Ryan told her “Well one thing is for sure — neither one of us is where we need to be in our relationship with the Lord.” I have always tried to emphasize “heart examination” (Psalm 26:2-3) over “behavior modification” when it comes to parenting my children. (As if I could even begin to modify my 22 year-old adult son’s behavior!) Needless to say, it was music to my ears to hear that my son had taken an honest appraisal of his heart and more importantly, his relationship with the Lord. We all know how easy it is to come to a place where we clock-in on Sunday morning, but fail to lay our hearts bare before God on a daily basis. Often, God will allow wake-up calls, though painful at the time, to nudge his children out of spiritual slumbers.

I have often stated that I’m not a fan of the “pretender game.” I played the game early on in my Christian walk and learned the art of painting a fake smile on my face even if my life was unraveling at the seams. It’s a miserable game to play and I gave it up years ago, opting instead for honesty and authenticity. As the dust began to settle in the days that followed the pregnancy announcement, Ryan, Casey, and both sets of parents, unanimously agreed that we do not want this baby to be a secret baby. While Ryan and Casey’s decision to have sex outside of marriage is a sin, the creation of a new life is not. A baby is never a form of punishment. That said, we are celebrating this precious new life and anticipating his/her grand entrance into the world sometime in mid-November. I have no intention of pretending this didn’t happen, nor will this situation become a hush-hush topic in my ministry. On the contrary, it will become a part of my ministry. (In fact, I look forward to sharing some insightful comments my son recently shared that I hope will offer some encouragement to parents who are at least trying to “train up their child in the way they should go…” Prov. 22:6)

For as long as I can remember, my bio has stated that I’m a “mom in the trenches.” The truth is, the trenches are awfully messy and muddy at times. I want to have the freedom to continue to talk openly about “muddy moments” that occur in the parenting journey. More importantly, I want to be able to openly testify to God’s faithfulness when He cleans up those muddy messes in our children’s lives (as well as our own!). As parents we are called to plant and water the seeds of God’s truths into the hearts of our children, but alas, we must leave the growth and results up to God. And as many of us reading this have learned firsthand, God often uses trials and adversity (even those that result from our own sinful choices) to nudge us closer to His path, and as a result, produce growth in the one relationship that matters most in this life – our relationship with Him. I pray that Ryan and Casey will be forever changed as God weaves His beautiful love story of redemption into their lives.

Last week, Ryan was able to join Casey for a doctor’s appointment and saw the baby’s heartbeat on the ultrasound for the first time. As you can imagine, it was a sobering moment. He and Casey have fallen madly in love with this child (as have the grandparents-in-waiting!). There is nothing that can adequately compare to the love a parent feels for his/her child. And yet, God loves us, His children, even more. As Ryan and Casey’s hearts swell with unconditional love for their child, I pray it will serve as a reminder of how very much they are loved by God (not to mention, their parents). This child will be much-loved and celebrated every step of the way during this pregnancy. Casey comes from an amazing Christian family and her parents have served in ministry leadership for many years at their local church in Huntsville, Alabama. Like us, they are blessed with a strong network of support from friends, family members, and a local church family. I know I speak on behalf of both the Courtney and Walker families when I say that we covet the prayers and support from our Christian family during this time, as do our children, Ryan and Casey. The truth is, this situation did not catch God off guard or leave Him scratching His head in confusion. He has a plan and is in the business of working all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Rom. 8:28) With Easter right around the corner, I am mindful of my own long list of muddy messes and the redemptive power of the cross. May we never cease to be overwhelmed at the mere thought of God’s unfailing love for us… While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Rom. 5:8)

(UPDATE: Please take a minute to read my note of thanks, posted here!)


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It's amazing how you don't actually know someone, yet you begin to know them through this blog world. It is in the sense of "knowing" Vicki that my heart broke for her family and the pain they are experiencing, yet I hold such a great deal of respect for her in sharing it with those of us who do follow with her ministry.

Cody and I are in the process of talking about starting a family some day down the line and it's spurred on conversations {largely in part to things we see on the show Parenthood} of "how will we handle that situation? what would our rules be on this? how would we feel about our kids doing that?" It's created some rather interesting dialogues between the two of us and caused me to do a whole lot of thinking.

A couple of weeks ago at our small group one of the girls {now a minister's wife} shared what their minister told them when they got engaged:

You've got a lot of people watching you, so don't mess up.

But it's ok if you do.

I hope that I will be able to raise godly children. I know right off that bat that it will be Christ in us that accomplishes that and it certainly won't be without some mess up's on the way, both from us as parents and our children.

That's what this Christian walk is all about though: it's ok if we mess up.

I see myself in Vicki's post about her children. Though my sins may be slightly different and not as public as theirs, I've felt the pain of my sinful choices. As we are thinking of the crucifixion  and looking forward to the resurrection, I hope that you too will know that it's ok if you've messed up. He's still there, with arms open, ready and waiting to love you.

May you be richly blessed over this Easter weekend!



{If you are wanting to see the love of Christ through the actions and words of others, click over to the actual blog post of Vicki's and read the comments. Her post and the response it received is Christ's love and grace in the flesh.}

Delighted!

Remember this post?

I found out Thursday that the Honors Program was expanded and he was offered the first spot.


Yes, there was lots of clapping, dancing and celebrating. {and that's just me. who knows what his family was doing!}


Sometimes it just takes a little longer to get where God wants us, huh?


The Lord directs the steps of the godly, He delights in every detail of their lives. Psalm 37:23

Lessons From A Transvestite.

{let me just go ahead and throw it out there that this blog post will probably get some really amazing google hits. which may lead to a post of it's own!}

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have already seen that I saw my first high school transvestite while I was out at college fairs this week. Talk about weird. In my 3 1/2 years as a college recruiter, I've seen a lot of crazy things out on the road and been asked some ridiculous questions, so I thought I was prepared for anything.

Apparently not.

I think it caught most of the recruiters off guard. From far away I probably wouldn't have noticed that anything was out of the ordinary, but up close was a different story. I will say that I have to give the girl props. She was rocking a pair of 5 inch heels like no one's business and in the short conversation we had, all I could think was that her makeup put mine to shame!

After a quick lunch with a friend, I got in the car and started three hour drive home. Inner mixed between highways and traffic jams, I couldn't help but return my thoughts back to this student. When I think about my middle school years, I remember just wanting to blend in. I'm not saying that I was willing to do anything to fit in with the crowd, but I didn't want to stand out. Because when you stand out, that's when you get attention that you probably don't want. Tried as I might, I didn't blend in. My nickname was Sister Abby... like a nun. I'm sure you can picture how nice the middle school students were as they chanted Sister Abby at me.

I began to try and put myself into the shoes of the student. What life experiences he'd been through that brought him to the decision that it was time to become a she. It's one thing to make that decision at a major transition time...such as moving off to college where you can establish a new identity around a new group of people. As a junior in high school though, you're still surrounded by the people who watched you grow up and know that you're trying to change yourself in a major way. More specifically, in a way that isn't all that common or accepted by people.

One thing that I observed about the student is that she was surrounded by a large group of friends and they genuinely seemed to have a good time together. While she most definitely stood out among the crowd, she also blended in seamlessly.


Isn't that how we're supposed to be as Christians? 


Are we not called to stand out in this world while still being approachable so that we can build relationships with others and show them God where they are?

I live in the Bible belt of Texas. Honestly, I would stand out more as a non-Christian in this area than I do as a Christian. So it is very easy for me to go to church, small group and my job at a Christian university and put on a good Christian face so that people think I'm doing this God thing right.

But that's not what I want. And I don't believe that's what we were created for.

I want to be a transvestite in this world. I want people to know there is something different about me and I want them to know that it's God in me that makes the difference.


So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12 The Message


May we all be as bold as the high school transvestite.


{5 inch heels and spectacular makeup are optional!}

Ok God. We Got The Message.

Remember this joke?

There was a huge flood in a village. One man said to everyone as they evacuated, "I'll stay! God will save me!"

The flood got higher and a boat came, and the man in it said "Come on mate, get in!" "No" replied the man. "God will save me!"

The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house. A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help. "No, God will save me!" he said.

Eventually the man drown. He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God, "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!"


Well, Cody and I feel like that's our life.

It all started about two years ago when we went to Chili's and had the worst meal and service of our life. We had a gift card and were so excited about our special night out {this was definitely in our newlywed/even poorer than we are now stage, so a night at Chili's was a BIG deal!}

If I remember correctly, they messed up our order (I think Cody's mashed potatoes were ice cold), it took forever to get any attention from our waiter... we were so frustrated! We got some sort of comp as a make up for it that night, but it certainly left a bad taste in our mouth.

Fast forward several months later and we once again have a gift card and venture out to Chili's. We nearly flip when we see we're being seated in the exact same spot as the previous visit. The meal was better than the last time, but we still had some issues with our service.

Since then, it seems like every time we've gone to Chili's, we've had something go wrong. This week we got a coupon for a free chips and queso. We had a special event at school for Cody to get his official class ring, and then we headed out to celebrate.

There were a ton of cars when we showed up. Cody checked in, but said it would only be a 20 minute wait so we weren't too worried about it. We both made a few phone calls, but after I while I started getting antsy. Cody checked the clock and it had been 18 minutes since we checked in, so we figured they would be calling us shortly. All of a sudden, this group of four gets paged that has been waiting all of four minutes. Now I definitely know something is up. I grab Cody and we head inside to check on why we haven't been called. Once I ask, they tell me we were "called" 5 minutes ago and never showed up. We have to wait several more minutes until they finally get us a table.

We were a little frustrated about it, but sat down and probably would have gotten over it. Our waitress is chatting with the table next to us for a while before she comes over to talk our drink order. We give her our drinks, our meals and the coupon for the chips and queso all at one time. Right as we're finishing up, the table she was chatting with yells, "Hey we want fried cheese!" She laughs with them and says she'll get it out.

Five minutes later, she shows up with our drinks but no chips. A few minutes later, the fried cheese is delivered to the table next to us {funny side note about the table: it was a young couple, probably just dating. they seriously were holding hands across the table at every moment they weren't eating food. #truluv4eva} This perks me up, because it my mind, queso should not take longer than fried cheese. Our waitress is refilling another tables drinks and as she walks by, I catch her attention and ask where the queso is. She jumps and says, "Oh the queso! I'm putting it in now!!"

Finally, a few minutes later, our queso and chips show up. It's then we start noticing our waitress is spending a lot of time chatting with the table next to us. Any time she would walk down the row to check on her tables, she would then stop to talk to the group, so we quickly figured out they were good friends. We also wondered if one of them was an employee, because they were getting quick attention and service from everyone.

After enjoying our chips for a while, a man walks up with Cody's Big Mouth Bites. And nothing else. Apparently my face looked pretty shocked and he was smart enough to know that one meal was missing and asked what I ordered. A HOUSE SALAD. Seriously. Something as simple as a salad that is probably pre-made waiting to be brought out. Our waitress comes up a few minutes later and has my salad, but no apology for it being missing.

We're trying to enjoy our meal (over the unbelievably loud music) and we just start laughing at the obsertity of it. The chatterboxes next to us are getting all of her attention and we're getting nada. It's at the point that we are laughing about all of our horrible Chili's experiences and that's when it hits us:

God has been sending us a message.

Our first horrible experience.

Returning, only to be placed in the exact booth again.

Messed up orders and bad service.

A boat, a helicopter, a dadgum fireworks show spelling out the message: God doesn't want us eating a Chili's.


: )

There is a slight chance that it could all be coincidental and Chili's in Abilene just has frequently bad service. We got a kick out of it though and it will probably be a long while before we venture out to Chili's again!

{Cody did talk to the manager about our service. We were nice, saying we understand it was a very busy night and they had a lot going on, but felt like we got poor service/messed up orders because the waitress was more focused on our friend. The manager said he would talk to her about it... and we had to watch as he talked to her and then she came up to us and (looking rather sour) said, "Your bill has been taken care of." We both felt horrible, but yet once I thought about it, she didn't even apologize for the mess ups, which I think says a lot. So in the end... maybe all this poor service ends up being a huge blessing for us... we're getting lots of comped meals out of it!!!}

"Those" People

In my job as a college recruiter, there are a few categories of students we recruit:

the gimmes: who are the motivated kids who get everything done quickly
the "oh man do I have to answer this call?" kids: I think this speaks for itself
and
"those" kids

"Those" kids are actually the thing that keeps me hanging on. It is the family you really connect with, the student you immediately know will be such a good fit for our university, the one you can't wait to see succeed. I've worked as a recruiter for 3 years and counting, and there have been several of "those" families that have touched my heart, but none like the family from this year.

We actually met by chance. I was at a college fair and they were pretty much going to walk by my table with nothing more than a wave. The son stopped to pick up some material, but the parents were quick to say that we were out of their price range. I then shared my story about paying for college, our tuition freeze, and how my parents paid more money for my brother to go to Texas Tech than they did for me at our private school. That certainly got their attention! We had a really good conversation that night and they left open minded about our school.

Fast forward several emails, phone calls, visits and meals, and I've gotten to know them pretty well over the past couple of months. With every conversation, I like them even more. They're so sweet and genuine. Call me crazy, but I like them so much that I hope Cody and I will end up being like them when we reach that point in marriage and ministry.

Their son had a big interview to be a part of a program at our school that was not only a great opportunity, but also a great scholarship. Everyone has been waiting about a month to find out who made the program, but I had no doubt he would be in. Great grades, clean cut, so personable... just such a great fit.

Imagine my surprise when we finally got the news today and to my horror, I saw his name at the top of the alternate section. My heart dropped down to my stomach and I didn't know if I was going to get sick or start crying. I knew how much hinged on him getting into the program and I didn't want to know what it meant that he didn't.

I immediately had to pack up some items and head out for a lunch visit, still on the brink of tears. I spent the majority of my drive asking why, trying to figure out how it could have happened, begging God to have someone turn down the program so that he could get in.

It was through my almost tears, sick feeling and prayers that it hit me: this is exactly how God feels for His children.

He knows when the bad news is coming and He cries for us. He gets sick over our disappointments and fears. He feels our pain and the hurts that we didn't know were coming.


Sometimes I think we needed to be reminded of that. Not only is the Lord present with us in our troubles and disappointments, yet He also feels for us.


I'm not sure what's going in your life tonight, but I hope you know you're not alone.

His heart is heavy for you.



 The LORD is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 

Swarm.

As typical with every time I go home, I came back with a car loaded to the max with goodies from my parents. {Christmas decorations, garage sale items and the contents of my mom's fabric closet might not sound like goodies to you, but they are to me!}

The full nature of my car meant that I needed help unloading it. Naturally, I asked my strong, rugged husband to meet me at the house to get the heavy boxes. Unbeknownst to him, I also mentally made plans that it would be so late in the day that there would be no need to go back to work and we would just have to go drop my rental car off and then deliver a gift to church.

Imagine my delight when Cody wasn't waiting at home when I pulled up. In fact, he was just leaving work, which gave me a good 15-20 minutes to unload the car. By myself. Yeah, I was one happy girl.

When he did finally get there to get the heavy boxes, he was greeted by steam coming out of my ears. I then told him my plans for the afternoon (the car and church), to which he told me he planned on going back to work and left some important items there. I'm ashamed to say I was close to blowing a gasket.

I told him to go on to work, I'd make the church delivery and then take the car to work, where I would then ride home with him. He left a fuming wife and headed to finish up work.

My mom once heard that your expectations are here ------------









and reality is here -------------

Anything in-between is disappointment, which is exactly what happened in my case. But I used my unrealistic expectations as a reason to get angry instead of just admitting why I was disappointed.

After only a few minutes in the car to run my errand, I already knew I was in the wrong and got upset for no reason. Yet in my human nature, I tried to find reasons in my head as to why I had the right to be mad at Cody's actions.

I was doing a rather good job at it, when I saw one bee fly past my car. Then two, three, four more, until I was surrounded by a swarm of bees. I've never seen anything like it in my years in Abilene, and I could tell the people around me were just as surprised.

My anger started out small, yet I did not stop it at the first sign and instead allowed it to become a swarm of bees that surrounded me. Without the protection of my car, I would have been powerless against the multitude of bees. It was such an instant, visual lesson from the Lord and all of my excuses for justifying my anger disappeared. I was wrong and there was no getting around it.

Next time you see the beginnings of a swarm, stop and ask yourself if you hear a Voice if conviction. Better to acknowledge your reality than to get stung by unrealistic expectations!


{and just for good measure, I found a bee IN my car after I finished grocery shopping on Saturday. I quickly told God I learned the lesson and shooed that thing out as quickly as possible!!}