Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Trust.

Sunday I took a fabulous three hour nap and enjoyed a late evening Diet Dr. Pepper... which  was all fine and dandy until it was 3 a.m. and I was WIDE. AWAKE. During the four hours I lay in bed I covered quite the variety of brainstorming, problem solving and other various topics, including worrying about and praying for Griffin's first day at daycare. My momma heart knew he would love it, but it's still so hard to trust them to others. So I prayed that Griffin would learn to be a good friend, to enjoy playing with others and to really flourish in daycare. I also prayed that I would grow in trust, remembering that God has orchestrated these details and would keep him safe.  I believe I even said something along the lines of, "I know as a parent I feel like I'm the only one fully capable of keeping him safe, but I trust you... please grow my trust through this process." 

Fast forward to Monday afternoon. Griffin didn't even bat an eye when we left him that morning. When I went to pick him up, he gave me a small wave of acknowledgment but then went straight back to playing. He played with every toy on his way out, which makes for a slow, long process, but was a relief for this momma to see him so happy.  We came home, back to our safe place, shared a snack and while G was playing on my phone, I grabbed a quick load of laundry to start. (our laundry room is enclosed, but you have to walk outside to get to it right off of the back porch) G saw me and wanted to come out to help with "aundy" so I leet him. He was of course, distracted on the way, stopping to say hi to Kota, picking up colors and drawing a few scribbles before running to join me in the laundry room.  He tripped on the way in though, and stepped right onto one of my projects: a lid full of furniture tacks. (basically bigger thumb tacks, if you're not sure what I'm talking out.) 

Bloodcurdling screams. Blood. Lots of tears. We were both freaking out, Griff from pain and mom wondering if we needed to head to the ER. I ended up calling a nurse hotline in Lubbock to try and get an idea if we needed to go for some type of tetanus shot or if he was ok because he was up to date on his shots. It took a while for her to understand what was going on because Griff wouldn't stop screaming, but we finally were able to talk. She told me to clean it with a good soap, which I immediately did in our sink.  Playing with the water in the sink was an instant perk for Griff and his tears dried up.  After telling me that keep him on pain meds but no need to go the the ER, she finished our conversation with this: "No need to worry... you're a good mother and stuff like this happens to everyone!" I told her she deserved a bonus just for those sweet words. 

Monsters University and Motrin seemed to do the trick to get him through the night, but he was definitely limping on his left foot this morning, which took the brunt of the tacks with 12 marks.  

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#momguilt

It was totally my own stupidity for leaving the box on the ground. I could have prevented this from every happening and I hate that Griff is in pain. However, it's one of the easiest physical lessons for me to learn: I think that I am the best source of safety for Griffin. I can plan and over protect and do whatever is in my power to do what I think will keep him safe, but life still happens.  Despite my great attempts, he will still get hurt. Sometimes it will be a physical pain that can hopefully be healed with Motrin and eventually it will be emotional hurts that will be much harder to heal. God is answering my prayer though and growing my trust that He is the one capable of fully caring for Griffin. As long as I do my best to raise a man that seeks after him, then I've done my part to keep him as safe as possible, even if following the Lord's plan takes Griff on some wild adventures. 

Just in case you need to hear it too...

Hang in there mommas. You are doing a great job and stuff like this happens to everyone!

3 comments:

  1. Poor little Griff! I hear you 100%. I consistently think that I am the only person who knows Isaac's best interests and who can be the most protective of him... and yet life still happens. In fact, Isaac's ugly bloody lip he got a few weeks ago was totally my fault. Talk about mom guilt!

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